Let me wander

It’s summer and it’s hot. The sun glared through the blinds of the window, creeping in like a pervert insisting on making my blood boil. The blanket underneath me was cool until I had to flip it over to make it cool again. The ceiling was plain grey and it was nothing to look at but it allowed my mind to wander. My body was soon soaked by the heat, I was doing a good job feeding the microbes that live in the bedsheets but I didn’t notice it.

My thoughts thrashed around, making a mess in my head, my thoughts often running into each other and making weird thought babies. Sometimes I write them down, birthing them into existence – I had to, otherwise they would cry and I would not know peace for a while.

I try to jot them down because they simmer at the surface of my consciousness for a long time and if I don’t pick them up they’ll sink deeper until I can’t get them and I would never be able to get them out again. They get stuck down there, merging with the doubt and fears until they are an intangible mess. Someday my head will get full of those thoughts and I won’t be able to think straight again.

There’s nothing to figure out

Why do we think so much?

Often I find myself giving up and

I want to do something brainlessly

like doing the dishes

Driving is also a favorite

When you drive you look at things and can’t do shit

your brain can’t be hijacked by some intrusive thought

something you have to do.

Imagine being a woodcutter

or painting fences for a living

it must be bliss.

What’s the cause of this malfunction?

are all humans born a little broken?

or do we break bit by bit as we grow up?

life’s hard

When you try to figure it out

Only consider writing if

You hate waking up in the morning

If sitting behind the computer makes you puke

If you prefer drinking over eating

If you are alone

If you are alone

if you are alone

if you hate standing in line

if you rather huff paint than work

if you take too long on the john

if you refer to the toilet as the ‘john’

if you think you’re god

then everyone should listen to you

And do what you do.

One outfit fits all

The elbow of my shirt broke and I was very sad.

It was my favorite one and I got a lot of compliments because of it.

I also have some t-shirts that are basically rags

nobody have seen those

but I keep them

odd socks too

but not underwear.

Don’t want my cock falling out, suddenly.

Other than the underwear, I don’t really care much

at least I’d like to think that I don’t

still, when it get noticeable, I guess I do.

The Sickness

Ideas are like floods, unrelenting

you can’t get out of them

no matter how hard you try

A stream of thoughts, on the other hand

is easier.

And feelings… they need to come out violently

like vomit on a page.

that’s how it’s supposed to be.

the sickness is always

more

powerful than

the thought.

Escape Artist – Poem

In books I learn 

In writing I disappear…

I wonder why I feel the 

need to disappear in the first place?

why is existing so terrible? 

Perhaps it’s dull? 

or maybe because we

feel the need to strive, to fight, to create?

I didn’t have any expectations 

growing up

Though, there were

a lot of promises

made

I find that children are the best

escape artists

because they disappear 

all the time 

even though they

are the ones that see the world

through an explorers eyes

perhaps living has always been 

dull?

Look around the corner,

What could it be?

that’s interesting,

not what it actually is

We got tired of that shit at age 3

It’s worse than it seems – Poem

I really really despise

my job

But the guy can’t live without me

and he’s only getting worse.

Once I could write a lot at work

because he was tired and quiet

but now he’s hollering like a monkey

I can hardly stand it.

His illness have suddenly produced lungs!

But I can’t complain

it’s literally impossible.

Because I don’t work at a factory,

I don’t work at an office

I don’t have a manager breathing down my neck

I got nothing of that

But he chokes on everything he eats

I couldn’t care less

I’ve worked there for too long

I like to drive through the empty skull of a dead person – Essay

Driving is its own kind of magic, the kind of magic that you don’t find easy anymore; it’s solitude, and the complete absence of everything. You have no choice but to be absent when you drive, and as long as you know where you’re going, and are familiar with the road (and the car) driving couldn’t be easier.

I like thinking. I don’t do that nearly as much anymore. I suppose that’s why I love traveling and I suppose I also like the feeling that I’m going somewhere – doing something. It’s tangible and it’s easy to quantify, just count the steps.

Driving gives you a respite from yourself and all the must-does. The nag in your head stays quiet for a while. Sometimes you ponder the past, other times the future (but not nearly as often). Sometimes you think up stories or just watching the trees and the car swear a bit to the left if the trees is on the left and on the right if the trees are on the right. You’d never hit a car though, although you think about. Nothing would be easier. Then you consider the consequences, the aftermath. Often you survive the crash and then stuff happens in your head and you’re gone. The magic happens.

The radio is on, for the most part, and strangers sing and laugh in your ear. Sometimes you sing along. I sound good as long as I don’t turn down the volume. The raspy sound of my voice, the tone deafness. I was just on kiddy wheels all along, borrowing their power.

I wonder what happen when we have self-driving cars… I swear humanity will go to hell then. The last sanctuary bulldozed by progress. When will we regress?

I wonder if it was the same way when people got cellphones. It used to be that one could escape on a bus or traveling on a train. Of course, they always had the option to read or play on the gameboy. I don’t think it was the same.

Writing and driving is kinda similar, in a way. They are both magic; you get lost in what you do. Though, it’s more peaceful driving, I think. An activity that is destroying the earth. Though, death is nature too, I suppose.

Don’t get a job

Jobs are awful

You have a place to call your own

and before you know it

you have stuff

stuff that you don’t want to get rid of

You start saving

which leads to worry

worry about the future

Then,

the only thrill in life

becomes another paycheck.

If you can, stay out of it

if not,

live in poverty

That’s my advice

if you want to write good.

I’m too deep into it now

to get out

My stuff needs to be

pried off my skin with a

knife