sometimes it’s just too damn easy

I feel like I’m wasting away in this apartment.

It’s safe,

it’s cheap, and it’s reasonably clean.

It’s a short distance to the bar and close to my family.

The only fault with it

is that I’m living

in it.

My TV is there,

my computer is there

and sometimes my brain is.

I don’t think I can be happy anywhere.

It’s the wanderlust

and the road beckons.

I have it too good, it’s pleasant and easy.

My mind is hijacked

by other things,

that’s the first problem.

Maybe that’s what I should fix first.

Get rid of it.

The distractions

But as any addict,

they stay,

because it’s scary without them.

I never used to be scared

of being alone with myself,

but then again,

I never worried about the future

either.

I ride back home

I took the train back

I always enjoy reading

on the quiet side of the train

you know,

the side that’s supposed to be quiet?

I took my shoes off and put my feet up

When it was my turn to get off

my shoes were gone

Someone took them

The same way I took the train

Hope my shoes made them happier

than the train ride did

Imposter

It was a bad day today

My phone forgot my face

which is telling.

I burned the sauce too and missed the train

It’s one of those days

My face ain’t right

There are too many wrinkles

doubt

annoyance

anger and bitterness

God damn the dog’s whining

Day X – Chores

I forgot to pay the rent.

I found the unopened letter under a stack of papers I was going to use to write today.

I should be fine, but damn, what a slip up.

They might use it as an excuse to kick me out, they aren’t very happy about me.

It’s still early so I’ll have to wait an hour before I can call them and apologize.

So that’s probably the most interesting thing that’s gonna happen to me today,

or in a while, rather.

I’m doing laundry of course.

Day X – A Good thing

I slept badly, last night

I didn’t want the day to end,

Even though there was nothing special about it.

Some days are like that,

Days that don’t want to leave.

Last night I had a good streak of writing, it was beautiful.

Then I stayed up a little late.

I ruined a good thing.

I hope I can fall asleep earlier tomorrow.

A little bit of journaling © Christopher Stamfors

Day X – Hard Work

I’ve worked rather hard, recently.

They make us work 24 hours, sometimes, today I worked 32

Did a lot of writing, regardless – not my best work.

I think I might be a bit tired, at least for this particular story.

I got a few days rest, maybe I should work on something else

I have one other.

Fool’s Tower, it is called.

It’s a bit of journaling © Christopher Stamfors

Writing is my way out

It’s weird, when it was time to decide what to do with my life, I chose to be a writer. I never gave it much thought until at the end of University, when I was running out of time. The choice always seemed so far off.

I never wrote anything seriously before then and I’ve only been writing for about five years since. I took jobs where I could work as little as possible and write instead. I feel like I’m at a place now where I can actually finish something good and I’m about to. I’m already browsing agents but I still have some extensive editing to do.

For some reason writing is the only viable thing I could see myself do.

I’m a lonely guy. My sister had a kid a year ago and I’m more convinced than ever that I never want one. I ended a relationship recently too, realizing it’s too much work. I’m too self centered and I like spending time with myself. Funny thing is I like talking to new people but I don’t want to make friends and create obligations, people seemed to like me too, at first, at least… I must sound terribly immature.

I think there’s a bit missing in my head.